He Said Losing My Emotions Was Better, Then He Begged Me to Feel Again novel · Chapter 13 of 24
Chapter 13: Nothing in His Hands
The Draper cider mill sits at the bottom of the river road, and its big side door was unlocked.
I went in with Martha's coat buttoned to my chin.
The press floor smelled of old apples and wet oak.
Orson was asleep on a pile of burlap sacks beside the great screw press, with his jacket over his shoulders and his boots still on.
He had lost so much weight that his wrists stuck out of his cuffs.
His breathing was fast and shallow, and a nerve jumped under one eye.
I stood over him with my jaw clenched and my hands hot, and for once I knew exactly what I was feeling.
I kicked the sack under his head.
He came awake all at once and sat up with one hand thrown out.
"Miranda."
"Don't get up."
He got up anyway, one hand on the press.
"I told you I'd keep off your land."
"You did. Be quiet. I'm going to say something, and you're going to hear it without explaining."
"All right."
"I read your letter in the loft and felt nothing," I said. "That was three days ago. Since then it's come back, a little every hour, and I know what it is now."
He waited.
"It's rage," I said. "I'm so angry I can taste it. You decided I couldn't stand to know you were dying."
"Yes."
"At the Stone, you decided I'd lose nothing worth having. Twice, you made up my mind about what's inside me, and twice you were wrong."
"Yes."
"Stop saying yes."
"I don't know what else is true," he said.
His voice shook, but he did not cry.
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