I've Died Here Before novel · Chapter 16 of 24

Chapter 16: Kitchen Light

I was still sitting in his lap with the page in my hand when he stood up with me.

He set me on the counter by the stove, between the toaster and Hattie's sad basil plant.

"Addie," he said.

"Yes."

"I'm going to take this slowly."

"Rule two?" I said, and I couldn't help smiling.

"Rule two. I'm telling you first."

"Overruled."

"You haven't heard it."

"I don't need to," I said. "Take your time and make me regret it."

"I'm leaving," the voice said, very dry. "I'll be in the corner. I'll count to a thousand."

"Thank you," I told it, out loud.

Holden looked at me, puzzled.

"Never mind," I said, and kissed him.

He kissed me back with no hurry in it at all, which he had never done before.

His mouth found my jaw, then the hollow under my ear, and his hands went under my sweater and stayed warm on my ribs.

"I thought I'd lose you in a river," he said against my throat. "I didn't think I'd lose you in a hospital chair."

"You didn't."

"I know. Let me feel it."

He pulled my sweater over my head and dropped it on the floor.

He kissed the freckles on my shoulder, one at a time, and my breath came out shaky.

I tugged at his shirt, and he let me take it off him.

His chest was still pink from the cold river, and I put my mouth on it, over his heart.

He undid my jeans.

I lifted my hips, and he drew them down my legs and tossed them over the chair.

Then he went to his knees on Hattie's linoleum, in front of the stove, and hooked my thighs over his shoulders.

"Holden. We haven't done this."

"No."

"You've never."

"I've been thinking about it for three years," he said, "and I've never once been allowed to stay long enough."

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