Chapter 23: Mine, By Choice

Dr. Quince signed off on day forty-two, with the stiff face of a man delivering a verdict.

"You may do anything you like," he said, and left the clinic before I could answer.

Cedric had asked me on day thirty.

I had told him healer's orders, two more weeks, and he had said, "Yes, Luna," and gone back to his study.

For forty-two days he had read every order aloud to me before he signed it.

On the fortieth night I found him on the study floor with the girls asleep on his chest.

A legal pad lay beside him, where he'd written out what to say if I turned him down.

I stood in the doorway for a long time.

On the forty-second night, I took the cuff out of the drawer where he kept it.

I walked down the hall in my nightgown and let myself into the study.

He looked up from his desk.

He saw the cuff in my hand, and went completely white.

"The girls are with Holly," I said. "She's got both of them till morning. Quince says I can do anything I like."

He stood up so fast the chair went over.

I held out my wrist.

"Put it on," I said.

His hands weren't steady.

He fastened the silver round my wrist, and kissed the inside of it, and I felt his breath shake.

"I haven't forgiven you," I said.

"I know."

"I'm not forgiving you tonight, either. I'm choosing you. It isn't the same thing. I want you to understand the difference."

"I understand."

"Say it."

"You can forgive me or not, for the rest of our lives, and I'll still be on that porch."

I took his hand and put it on my face.

"Come to bed, Cedric."

My room.

My bed, and the lamp on the nightstand turned to its highest setting.

"You said you wanted the lamp on," I said. "So you could see my face."

His eyes closed for a moment.

"You remember that."

"I remember all of it."

I undressed him myself, one button at a time, and I took my time.