My Fake Sister Cried on Cue, So I Billed Her for the Tissues novel · Chapter 3 of 24

Chapter 3: Tissues, Itemized

At the Garden Guild lunch Emme hands the crying Lydia a tissue with a four-cent receipt, and the table splits. Godfrey swears he never knew she existed, and Mason stops writing in his notebook.

The Garden Guild met on the Prescott lawn on Tuesday, and eight women in hats had already seen the video.

Constance had asked me to come "just to say hello."

I said hello.

Then a woman in a lilac hat set down her fork.

She asked if it was true I had made Lydia cry at my own welcome dinner.

"She cried on her own," I said. "I only asked about rent."

The table went quiet.

Across from me, Lydia raised a napkin to her eye.

I had expected that. I had a plan for it.

I reached into the green tote and took out a travel pack of tissues.

I also took out the small receipt pad I use at work.

I slid one tissue across the tablecloth.

"One tissue," I said, and wrote on the pad. "Four cents."

Lydia stared at it.

I tore the receipt off and set it beside the tissue.

"It's not a charge," I said. "I just keep track of supplies."

Somebody at the end of the table made a sound into her iced tea.

Lydia took the tissue. She had to. Everyone was watching.

Then, because her mouth was already set for it, she let out a small broken sob.

I slid a second tissue across and wrote a second receipt.

"Eight cents so far."

[Emotional pressure detected. Expected response: shame, then a hurried apology.]

[Host's Actual Emotion: the tissues are the good kind and it's still four cents.]

"Emme," Constance said, very softly. "Sweetheart. Perhaps put the pad away."

"I'm happy to, once she's done," I said.

"I just don't want anyone to think I'm making her pay for the whole box."

The woman in the lilac hat gave a loud, wet sniff.

Everyone turned to look at her.

"I'm sorry," she said. "It's the pollen. And the whole thing."

I held out a tissue and a receipt.

"You'll want that for your records," I said.

She took both.

She read the receipt very carefully.

Then she made a sound that was either a laugh or a sob, and she folded the receipt into her purse.

The table split. I watched it split.

Four of the women glared at me.

Three of them looked pleased and tried to hide it.

The eighth just ate her chicken salad and watched.

Mason came across the lawn with a tray of lemonade.

He had a small black notebook in his jacket pocket, and he kept touching it.

He set the tray down and said, in a very even voice, "Miss Tanner. The Guild has a policy."

"On what?"

He paused.

"Tissues," he said. "The Guild provides them."

He went into the house.

He came back with a full box of tissues on a silver tray and set it in the middle of the table.

Then he wrote COMPLIMENTARY on a place card with a pencil.

I looked at the box.

"Well, now I can't bill her at all," I said.

"That's the policy," said Mason.

The eighth woman, the one who had been eating, put down her fork.

"My late husband's company charged us for the pen at closing," she said. "I like her."

[Pressure defeated, public setting. Reward: $9,800.]

I wrote the number in my notebook under the table.

It brought the notebook total to $49,250.

Lydia had stopped crying.

She sat with her tissue and both receipts folded small in her palm.

She looked at me for a long time without saying anything.

Then a real tear, only one, went down the side of her nose.

She wiped it fast with her wrist.

Nobody else saw it.

Constance moved her chair over and put an arm around Lydia's shoulders.

Nobody put an arm around me. I hadn't expected anyone to, but the sting was there all the same.

I took my plate to the rose garden to eat the rest standing up.

The roses were in rows, with white tags on string.

I was reading one tag when Godfrey came down the path with his hands in his pockets.

"Emme."

"Hi."

He cleared his throat. He looked at his shoes, which were good shoes.

"I wanted you to hear this from me. It's important."

He pulled in a breath.

"Constance and I never knew you existed until two weeks ago. Not once. Not a hint."

"Okay."

"I want to say it plainly, because Constance is going to say it nicely, and I don't think nicely is enough."

His eyes were red at the edges.

"If I'd known, I would have crossed the country on foot."

I didn't have a price for that.

I stood in the rose garden with a paper plate and no answer.

"I believe you," I said, and I did.

He nodded and patted the air near my shoulder, and let me eat.

Behind him, on the far side of the hedge, Mason had stopped writing.

He stood very still with the notebook open against his chest.

When he saw me looking, he closed it.

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