The Secret That Broke Us novel · Chapter 9 of 32

Chapter 9: Nate's POV: The Tote Bag

Nate's POV

I had been sleeping in my car for nineteen days.

The hospital let parents of NICU babies use the family lounge, but only one, and Kristin had put her name on it.

So I slept in the parking garage, with my coat over my chest and the engine off, and in the morning I went to see my daughter.

I still hadn't picked a name for her.

Kristin kept saying we would, when she came home.

She was due to come home on Friday.

That afternoon I sat beside the crib in the NICU with my hand through the little hole in the side, holding her whole fist with two fingers.

Her skin was soft and creased.

She had been born blue, and she had come back pink, because of a woman on a phone who told me where to put my hands.

I couldn't stop thinking about that.

I couldn't stop thinking about June's voice.

One, two, three, four.

It had never been steadier.

Behind me, the door sighed, and I smelled Kristin's perfume before she spoke.

"There you are."

She came and sat down beside me in her good gray sweater, with her big canvas tote on her shoulder.

She looked tired and beautiful.

She always did.

I had loved that about her for a year, and I had told myself it was the only thing I loved.

"I heard what June did at the shower," she said gently. "Mama's still not over it. I don't blame June. She's in a lot of pain. Let her be cruel for a while."

"She wasn't cruel."

"She called me a liar in front of the whole church."

"Was she wrong?"

Kristin stared at me.

I had never said anything like it to her before.

I surprised myself.

She laid her hand on my knee.

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