When He Finally Chose Me I Was Gone novel · Chapter 10 of 32
Chapter 10: At the Door
I opened the door before he could knock, because I did not want him on my porch longer than he had to be.
Soren stood on the top step in a gray coat with his hands at his sides.
He had lost weight.
His face was shadowed under the eyes, and his hair needed cutting.
He looked as though he had not slept in a month.
"Linnea," he said.
"How did you find me?"
"The investigator. I told him to stop in the first week, and he didn't." He swallowed. "Elin's car was on the lane three times. I'm sorry. I know it's wrong."
"Then why are you here?"
"Because I couldn't do it by phone."
He looked past me into the house, at the cello standing in the light of the kitchen.
"You opened it," he said.
"Yes."
"Does it sound all right?"
"It's the best sound I've ever made," I said, and I hated how steady it came out.
His face broke a little.
Then, before I could stop him, he went down on his knees on the wet planks of the porch.
He was in a good coat, and the boards were soaked from the afternoon rain.
He did not seem to notice.
"I chose you," he said. "That night. I was coming to you. I took a step and I was coming to you."
I looked down at him.
I had spent a month imagining this.
I had thought I would feel triumphant, or tender, or sick.
I felt nothing but very tired.
"You were coming to me after you went to her," I said.
"Linnea."
"You were coming to me after you picked her up and carried her out. You told your mother you never saw me."
"I did see you."
It was so quiet I almost missed it.
He lifted his head and looked straight at me.
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