April Joke, Permanent Scar novel · Chapter 15 of 24

Chapter 15: The Anniversary Party

Seth parked at the far end of the Harbor Club lot, under a light that had not come on yet.

Through the windshield I could see the club's tall windows, gold with party light.

He turned off the engine and did not reach for his door.

"Before we go in," I said, "I have something to say to you, and it's not about Dylan."

"Then it can be said in the truck."

I kept my eyes on the windows.

"Five years of dare nights," I said. "You were in that room for every one of them."

"I was."

"One year she made him wear a clown nose to my cousin's funeral reception. You were three feet away."

"I remember."

"Last year he stood up at my work party and called her the woman he should have married. You laughed, Seth. I heard it."

He did not look away from me.

"You said the true thing once, at that door," I said. "I'll never forget it. But in five years, you never walked out of that room, not one time."

My voice shook on the last words, and I let it.

"I know," Seth said.

"Don't tell me why it was complicated."

"It wasn't complicated. I sat there because it was easier, and I let you sit at home alone because it was easier." He rubbed his thumb along the steering wheel. "I don't have a better answer, and I'm not going to dress it up."

I had expected an excuse, and I had been ready to fight it.

Without one, I had nothing to push against.

"Okay," I said, and the word cost me more than I'd planned.

"If you want me to walk out of tonight, tell me," he said. "I'll stand in the middle of the floor and walk out."

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