Chapter 5: Call Anytime

My mother left the kitchen with a bottle of pills and went upstairs.

I listened to her footsteps.

Up the stairs, around the turn, and the creak of the board outside my old room.

My father stayed at the table, alone.

He picked up his phone, and I held my breath.

"Cor? It's me," he said.

His voice was one I hadn't heard in years, soft and careful.

"Florence found the pills. She's resting. Did you eat?"

A pause.

"No, she doesn't know a thing. Jeanie's at home with Colin. Don't worry about her."

He listened, and he smiled.

"I love you, too, sweetheart."

The pantry was warm and smelled of rice and cloves.

I stood there until I could feel my own pulse in my teeth.

He had never called me sweetheart in that voice.

He went to the bottom of the stairs and called up to my mother.

I slid out of the pantry and crossed to the mudroom.

Then I let myself out through the garage side door.

The latch caught my palm as I pulled it shut.

I felt the skin tear and kept walking.

Cardboard boxes were stacked by the garage wall.

On the top one, in marker, someone had written: "Jeanie. Donate."

I took my graduation photograph from the top of the pile, tucked it inside my coat, and left the rest.

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