Chapter 21: She Walked It Alone

The hospital would not let Terrence operate on his own daughter.

He argued with the head of surgery in the corridor for ten minutes, and lost.

"I'm the best you have for this," he said.

"You're also her father," the head of surgery said. "You've been awake for two days."

"I'll scrub in myself. You'll sit with her mother."

He sat.

It was the first time I had seen him sit with nothing in his hands.

They wheeled Lottie away at nine at night, with Biscuit tucked under the blanket.

Lottie had told the nurse he was allowed in the operating room, and the nurse had said yes.

The waiting room had a clock with a loud second hand.

Terrence looked at it and worked out the hours.

"Four hours," he said. "If it's going well, four."

"And if it's not?"

"Then longer."

His knee was bouncing.

I put my hand on it, and it stopped.

"You've done this for other people's children," I said. "You said it's the part that never gets easier."

"I never knew it could be this hard."

"Then let me hold you up, for once."

He looked at me, and he leaned his shoulder against mine, and for a while we did not speak.

A little after eleven the doors opened.

A small woman in a gray raincoat stood there with a paper bag in her hands.

She was seventy, with white hair pinned back and Terrence's gray eyes.

"Mom," Terrence said, and stood up.

She was Sawyer's mother too.

She looked at me and then at her son.

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