Chapter 28: New Terms

Dean came up the walk behind me the way he had come up it the night of the crib, one hand on the rail.

The house was dark and cold.

Delilah and the baby were at Connie's apartment over the diner that night, and Connie had made sure of it before she let me out of her sight.

I hung my coat on the hook.

I didn't turn the lights on.

"Di," Dean said, behind me in the hall. "I'm not here for anything."

"I know."

"If you want me to sleep in the truck..."

"Dean."

"Yes."

"You've been sleeping in that truck for two months."

"Yes."

"Take your coat off."

He took it off and hung it up beside mine, slowly, and waited to be told it was all right.

I turned around.

He stood in the thin blue light from the street with his hands at his sides.

I looked at them.

"I said you didn't have to keep your hands in your pockets," I said. "I didn't say you could keep them off me."

His breath stopped.

"Is that an order?"

"It's a rule. I'm changing the terms."

"Tell me what they are."

I stepped in until the buttons of my flannel touched his shirt.

"You touch me," I said. "You don't ask me if you can."

"All right."

"If I want you to stop, I'll tell you in plain words."

"I'll stop."

"And I'm not forgiving you. This is not that."

"I know."

"Say it back."

"This isn't forgiveness," Dean said, hoarse. "It's you, and I get to be here."

"Good."

I took his face in both hands and kissed him.

It was nothing like the careful touches of the past weeks.

He made a low sound in his chest and his arms came around me, and he held me against him with his whole body shaking.

I felt his heart through my sweater.

I kissed him until I couldn't breathe, and then I kissed him again.

He backed me against the wall by the stairs, and I let him.

His mouth went along my jaw and down the side of my throat, and my knees went loose.

"I've wanted this," he said into my neck. "Every night. Every single night in that truck."

"Tell me how."

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