I Was Done Begging novel · Chapter 23 of 24

Chapter 23: Walking In

My father stopped at the cathedral doors and would not move.

"Papa," I said. "The music started."

"I know."

"The whole church is waiting."

"I know."

His arm was shaking under my hand.

"I want one more minute. I'm twenty-five years late, and I want one more minute before I give you away."

"You're not giving me away."

"What am I doing, then?"

"Walking me in."

He let out a short laugh that broke in the middle.

"That I can do," he said.

I had left the cane at home.

I walked in on my own legs, slowly, on his arm.

It was the same cathedral where three hundred people had once waited for me to scream.

The cathedral was full of white roses.

My mother sat in the front pew with her bright silver medal on her breast.

Its twin hung at my collar, tarnished.

Hattie stood at the altar in a navy dress, holding her bouquet in both fists.

She was already crying, loudly, and nobody in the pews could stop looking at her.

In the third row sat a woman in a plain green coat, with her hands folded.

She was the night nurse who had sat with me for three years and who had never missed a shift.

She caught my eye and smiled.

I smiled back.

Lucas waited at the front in a dark suit, thinner than he used to be, with his shoulders very straight.

He did not look at the guests, or at my father, or at the priest.

He looked at me the entire length of the aisle.

I looked back.

In the last pew, by the doors, one seat sat empty.

A card lay on it in my own handwriting.

Reserved.

Inside Julien's invitation, I had put a second card.

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