Chapter 24: Worst Enemy

"Officer, I'd like to report a wedding."

The officer behind the desk set down his coffee.

He wore a tie today. It was green, and it did not go with anything.

"My mom hit her head," said Milo, holding my hand very seriously. "Now she says she's marrying my dad."

"She's already married to your dad," said the officer.

"On purpose," I said.

"Again," said Gus.

The officer looked at Milo, then at me, then at Gus, then at me again.

Gus and I nodded at the same moment.

It was the one room of the Marlow Falls police station. It had one desk, one flag, and a window with a view of the parking lot.

Dot had decorated it overnight.

A banner over the desk said CONGRATULATIONS. She had printed it for Founders' Day and refused to waste it.

The retired science teacher sat in the only chair, with his hat on his knee.

The janitor from the high school had come too, with a cup of lemonade he didn't offer anyone.

"I should tell you," the officer said, "that I'm not a judge."

"We know."

"I'm not a minister either. Not exactly."

He opened a drawer and took out a printed certificate with a gold seal.

"I was ordained online in 2019, for my cousin. It's valid in this state."

"How many weddings have you done?" Gus asked.

"One. The first was a ceremony for a ferret, at my cousin's request. It didn't take."

Dot made a sound into her sleeve.

"I'd like to be married by someone who has seen me at my worst," I said.

"That's me," said the officer, with some feeling.

He picked up a laminated card from the desk. Dot had made it. It had the vows on it in a large, cheerful font.

Keep reading free with an account. Start I Woke Up Married to My Worst Enemy from Chapter 1, then sign up free to read the rest of this chapter.