My Crush Has Always Been Me novel · Chapter 3 of 24

Chapter 3: Lab Partner

Nate is the TA in Jesse's chem lab; he says it cannot happen and almost kisses him anyway until Cal knocks.

Jesse's chemistry lab met on Wednesday afternoon in Hale Science, room 204.

He walked in with a wrist wrapped in an ice pack and found Nate standing at the front in a white coat.

"You're the TA," Jesse said.

"Chem major," Nate said, and checked a list on the whiteboard. "Fourth year. I did say I had classes."

"You didn't say they were mine."

"I didn't know until the roster came out."

Jesse let that sit.

A look went across Nate's face that was almost guilty, and then it was gone.

"Pairs are on the board," Nate said to the room. "Larkin, you're with Birdsall."

"Hank's in this lab?" Jesse asked.

"I'm right here," Hank called from the back. He was holding his phone up. "Filming for safety."

"Put it away," Nate said, and Hank put it in his pocket with a grin.

The lab was titration, three hours of burettes and blue liquid.

Jesse did it badly.

He kept looking up, and each time Nate was crossing the room from one bench to another, checking someone's flask and saying a quiet word.

Once their eyes met across the room.

Nate looked away first.

At the end, when the others had packed up, Nate leaned on the edge of Jesse's bench.

"Your numbers are off," he said. "Stay for ten minutes and I'll show you."

"Ten minutes?" Hank said, and made a face. "I'll be at the dining hall. Taking a very long time."

"Hank."

"I'm leaving," Hank said, and left.

The door closed.

The room was suddenly very quiet, and the afternoon light came in gold through the high windows.

Nate took the burette from Jesse and set it in its stand.

"You drop the stopcock too late," he said. "Watch the color, not the number."

"Okay."

"Hold it. Like this."

He stepped behind Jesse and put one hand over his on the stopcock.

His chest was warm against Jesse's back.

Jesse's hand shook so badly that a drop landed on the bench.

"You're not watching the color," Nate murmured.

"I'm watching," Jesse said. "I'm watching something."

Nate laughed under his breath, and the sound went down Jesse's spine.

Then Nate stopped laughing.

"Jess," he said. "What did Pierce say to me at the pool?"

"I didn't hear."

"You did."

"He said you should tell me why you're really here," Jesse said, and turned around.

They were very close.

Nate's hand was still on the burette, and his arm was around Jesse's waist, and neither of them moved.

"So why are you here?" Jesse asked.

"Cal's here," Nate said. "I'm his friend. It's my last year."

"That's an answer," Jesse said. "It's not why."

Nate's eyes dropped to his mouth, and came back up.

"Jesse. We can't do this."

"Do what?"

"You know what."

"I don't," Jesse said. His heart was pounding. "Say it."

"You're Cal's little brother."

"I'm nineteen," Jesse said. "I haven't been anybody's little brother since I started hauling lumber."

"That's not what I mean."

"Then what do you mean?"

Nate's jaw worked. "I mean that if I touch you, I can't be the guy who looked after you. And I made a promise."

"To who? Cal?"

"To myself, mostly."

Jesse took a breath that shook.

"I came here for you," he said. "I'm not going to lie about it. Every day since last October."

Nate shut his eyes.

"I know," he said, hoarsely. "I know. Jesse, I know."

He opened them again, and they were dark.

He lifted his hand off the burette and slid it slowly along Jesse's jaw.

His thumb brushed Jesse's lower lip.

Jesse's knees nearly went.

"Nate," he whispered.

Nate leaned in.

Their breath mixed, and Jesse could feel the heat coming off his mouth.

Another inch.

Half an inch.

The door banged open.

"Hey!" Cal's voice filled the room. "Is this where my brother's hiding?"

Nate stepped back so fast that the burette rocked in its stand.

Jesse gripped the bench.

Cal stood in the doorway with his backpack over one shoulder and a bag of dining hall cookies in his fist.

He looked from one of them to the other.

"Everything okay?" Cal said slowly.

"Fine," Nate said. His voice came out almost normal. "We're doing titration."

"Looks intense," Cal said.

"It's a hard one," Jesse said. He could not feel his face.

Cal narrowed his eyes. Then he shrugged and held out the cookies.

"Hank said you'd be here. Want one? Nate, you look weird."

"I'm fine," Nate said.

"You're red."

"It's warm in here."

Cal handed a cookie to Jesse, and his smile faded a little.

"You'd tell me if something was going on," he said to Nate. "Right? Since you're looking out for him."

Nate did not look at Jesse.

"Of course," he said.

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