Chapter 12: The Reason

"Because of you," Velun said.

He said it flatly, without any music in it.

"That's not an answer."

"It is the whole answer."

"Don't," I said. "Don't make it pretty."

"I'm not making it anything."

He took a step toward me through the water.

I took a step back.

He stopped.

"The first recall came in the tenth month of the trench," he said. "I had a working craft. I was to go home."

"And you didn't."

"I had been talking to you for ten months by then."

My throat hurt.

"I looked at the recall, and I thought: if I leave, no one will answer her at four in the morning."

"That was not your job."

"No."

"I had a sister. I had Gus. I would have survived."

"I know," he said. "I did not stay to save you."

"Then why?"

He looked at his webbed hands.

"I stayed because I was lonely too," he said quietly.

"I was the only one of my kind for a thousand miles, and you were the only voice in the dark."

"At home I would be surrounded by my people, and none of them would ask how my day was."

I pressed the back of my hand to my mouth.

"You could have told me," I said.

"You could have said, they want me to leave, and I'm choosing you, and I'm scared."

"I was afraid you would send me away."

"I might have!"

"I know."

"I might have said, you're being an idiot, go home. I wanted to say it just now."

"Say it," he said.

I opened my mouth.

I closed it.

"I'm furious," I said.

"Good."

"Don't say good."

"I'm sorry. I'll be quiet."

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