Chapter 16: The Letter

I sat down on the bumper of my own car, because my legs had given out.

Damian sat next to me, a careful foot away.

Neither of us said anything while a delivery truck ground up the ramp and went past.

"I thought you picked him," he said at last.

"Picked him?"

"Over me. Every wish, every Tuesday. I thought you loved his need more than you loved being married to me."

"Damian."

"I thought you'd rather carry a secret than lean on me."

I laughed, a wet, ugly sound.

"I carried it because of you."

"I know that now."

"No. Listen." I turned on the bumper to face him. "I didn't pay Perry because I loved him.

"I paid because I was terrified."

"Of Perry."

"Of you. Of what you'd do when you knew. You'd have walked into a police station that night. I couldn't watch you do it."

His eyes were bright.

"I thought, once he knows, he'll look at me and see the woman who lied in the car," I said.

"I thought you'd stay out of duty, and then leave."

"I would have stayed."

"You say that now."

"I would have stayed in any room they put me in," Damian said. "Visiting hours. A cell. I would have stayed."

My throat closed.

"I didn't know that," I said.

"I should have told you."

"Yes."

"I'm telling you now."

I put my hand over my mouth.

For five years I had been sure of the opposite.

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