Chapter 12: What She Smells Like

I don't remember climbing the cellar stairs.

I remember the cold air on my face and the stone steps that went down to the lake.

I remember the sound of my own breathing.

I sat on the bottom step and put my head between my knees.

Behind me, Elias came out of the Keep and stopped three steps above, the same place he had stopped on the first night.

He did not say anything for a while.

"Twelve years," I said.

"Yes."

"I drank it for twelve years. I wasn't a flaw. I was drugged."

"Yes."

"Every pack in the country looked at me like I was broken.

My father stood in a doorway and watched me swallow it."

"Yes."

"Say something that isn't yes."

"I'm sorry."

"That isn't it either."

"I know." His voice was low and shaken.

"I don't have the right thing."

I laughed, and it came out wet.

I wiped my face on the sleeve of my nightshirt, and I turned around on the step.

He was standing very straight, with his hands at his sides, and the gold in his eyes had not faded.

"You smelled it on the pillow," I said. "This morning. Before anyone told you."

"Yes."

"What is it?"

He took a long breath.

"Rain on warm stone," he said. "Cedar. Something underneath that I don't have a word for. It hit me like..." He stopped.

"Like what?"

"Like coming home to a house I've never been in."

My heart was beating very hard.

"Elias."

"You asked me for the truth in your vows." He came down the three steps and stopped in front of me, not touching.

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