Chapter 30: Not the Debt

Max did not go to bed that night.

He sat on the edge of the long balcony outside his father's study.

His boots hung over the drop, and the Black River ran dark below.

It was half a mile away.

He could still hear it.

The door opened behind him, and then it opened again, and then there were three sets of footsteps on the boards.

He did not turn.

"You're meant to be lying down," he said. "The healer said three days of rest."

"The healer said a great many things," said James. "I told her I'd lie down when you did."

"Go to bed."

"Make me."

Max pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes.

"She's right," he said.

Nobody answered.

"Mary. About the debt. She's right that it's a hook in you.

"I've seen it. You looked at my hands, and every one of you started to kneel."

"We knelt because we were wrong," said Joel.

"You knelt because you owed me."

"Max."

"I didn't tell you for that reason." His voice cracked. "I wanted one person in this world to look at me without it.

"I woke up in a body that was going to die. I meant to do the whole thing coldly, with a plan.

"Then James knocked on my door with his stupid lamp, and for one night the river wasn't there. You didn't know."

He swallowed.

"Now you know. And I can't tell the difference. I can't tell if it's me, or if it's the rope."

The wind moved over the river.

Raven came and sat down on his right, on the boards, with his long legs folded.

He did not say anything.

He took out the black book, opened it to the first page, and put it in Max's lap.

Max looked down.

Raven's handwriting was small and square.

The omega at the toast is clever. He does not drink. He does not look at Linda. He hides his hands. I would like to hear him laugh.

There was a date in the margin.

It was the morning of the first day.

"I wrote the last line," Raven said, "and then I crossed it out, because it was foolish. Then I wrote it again."

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