Don't Disturb Stella and Her Mates novel · Chapter 18 of 24

Chapter 18: What Joren Knew

Joren Vask held her hand and could not stop looking at it.

It was a small hand, scarred across the knuckles and rough from rope and axe.

Five years he had walked past it at every dinner and never once seen what it was.

"Say it," Thora said quietly. "Whatever you came to say."

"I told you last night did not happen."

"In the tent. After I stitched you."

"You'd just saved my life. I woke with your blood on my hands, and I took the vial Stella sent, and I looked you in the face and said it never happened."

His voice scraped.

"I remember how your face went. You didn't argue. You just nodded and said, all right, and you picked up your needle."

"It was a sensible thing to say," Thora said.

"It was the worst thing I have ever said."

She did not answer.

He turned her hand over and pressed his forehead into her palm, and for a moment he simply breathed her in.

Every dawn for five years there had been a sweet bitterness on his tongue, and every day his own heart had told him the woman he guarded was the one he loved.

He had never once asked why guarding her felt like hunger.

"I had you sent out of camp," he said into her palm. "I told Stella's guards to turn the cameras on you when you walked out alone. I signed the order that said you'd come on this show to chase us."

"I know."

"I stood in a hospital for two days for a tart you didn't bake."

"I know that too."

"Then why are you still sitting here?"

He lifted his head.

Her grey eyes were steady, and tired, and so clear it hurt him.

"Because you came around the fire with no vial in you and nothing to gain," she said. "And you said my name."

His chest cracked open.

"I'm sorry," he said. "Thora. I am so sorry."

"I haven't forgiven you."

"I know."

"I'm not promising anything. No bonds. No promises. You keep up or you don't."

"Keir told me," he said, and his mouth moved in something close to a smile. "He said it like a curse. I'll keep up."

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