Chapter 19: Vincent Asks

Vincent's POV

At five in the morning I carried my bag down to the porch.

It held two uniforms, a jacket and my medical kit.

It did not hold much else, because I had never owned much else.

The rescue station in Garmisch had offered me a post in August. I had said no then.

I had phoned them at midnight and said yes.

The lake lay flat and grey.

The fern stood in its pot by the door, with the dark patch still on the soil.

I looked at it for a while.

I had counted her pulse on the first night, and it was wrong. It was too fast for sleep.

I should have stopped it then.

I should have said, in front of all three of them, that she was awake and it was over.

Instead I cut the pills in half, and I told myself that was a kindness.

Behind me the door opened.

I did not turn around. I knew her step.

"You're going to Garmisch," Lena said.

"Felix told you."

"Felix wept and told me. He's very bad at secrets."

"Yes. He is."

She came out onto the boards in her socks and her grey hoodie. Her hair was loose and tangled.

She stood a careful arm's length away.

"Why?" she asked.

I made myself say it plainly.

"Because I knew. From the first night, I knew you were awake, and I let them go on."

"I held the door, Lena. I stood at the window while Dominik put his hand on you."

"I know what you did."

"Then you know I shouldn't be here."

"Do I?"

She put her hand out, palm up, between us.

"Give me your wrist," she said.

I frowned. "What?"

"Give it to me."

I gave it to her.

She wrapped her fingers around it.

Her thumb rested on the inside, exactly where I rest my own when I count.

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