Chapter 18: Cleared

The doctor cleared me on the twenty-sixth of December, six weeks and one day after my daughter was born.

I told no one but Eli.

I texted him from the parking lot: Cleared.

He texted back: Where are you right now?

Outside the clinic.

Stay there.

He was there in nine minutes, in uniform, with the truck still running.

My friend had the baby. Kendra had a plan for dinner. Nobody was waiting for me anywhere.

His house was a small brick ranch on a street of bare maples.

He had the key in the door before I'd finished getting out of the truck.

The door shut behind us.

He turned and put me against it.

I felt the wood at my back and the whole length of him in front.

"Tell me what you want," he said.

"You. Now. All of it."

"Say it in words."

"I want your cock inside me, Eli."

He groaned low in his throat.

He kissed me hard, with his hands under my coat.

I dragged his jacket off his shoulders and let it fall.

We didn't make it to the bedroom.

He pulled my sweater up over my head and dropped it.

He looked at me in the gray light from the window.

My bra was a nursing one, plain and cream-colored, and my stomach was soft and marked.

"Don't," I said.

"I'm not doing anything."

"You're looking."

"I've been looking for two months," he said. "Come here."

He unhooked it with one hand and put his mouth on my breast.

I gasped and my head hit the door.

His tongue was hot and slow around my nipple, and his hand was on the other one.

I was already so wet that I could feel it on my thighs.

"Eli."

"Mm."

"Jeans. Take mine off."

He opened them and shoved them down, and my underwear with them, and dropped to his knees on the hall rug.

He lifted one of my legs over his shoulder.

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