He Let Them Think She Was His novel · Chapter 5 of 32
Chapter 5: Alone
Jesse found me in the parking lot at first light, leaning on the tailgate of my truck.
The sky over the Bighorns had gone gray and pink, and the lot was empty except for the two of us and a delivery van.
"She's asleep," he said. "Kit too. They're keeping Lottie until noon."
"Good."
"Abby."
"You said I'm not."
He put his hands in his coat pockets.
"In there. To the doctor. You started to say I'm not, and then you signed her chart as her father."
"I know what I said."
"Then finish it. I'm not what?"
He looked across the lot at nothing.
"I can't," he said.
"You can't or you won't?"
"Both." His voice cracked on it. "I'm sorry. I can't."
I had planned to stay calm.
I'd planned it the whole drive over, and the whole night in the hallway, and I was good at calm.
I had been calm in a hospital bed.
"Two years ago," I said, "I lost our baby at five months."
"I know."
"No. You don't. You were not there." My voice came out low and flat. "I lay in that bed and a nurse held my hand because she couldn't find my husband. I had to tell the doctor to stop saying 'the father's on his way.' I told her there wasn't one."
"Abby."
"I lost her alone. Do you understand me? I lost her alone, and you were in Casper."
"I didn't know until the next morning."
"But you were in Casper."
He didn't say anything.
I watched his face, and I watched him decide not to say anything.
That was the worst part of it.
I had expected him to lie.
I could have hated a lie.
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