Chapter 16: No Check Attached

By nine that night Tanya was out on bail, the lawyers had finally gone home, and Beckett was on my doorstep with a paper bag.

"Nate sent soup," he said. "He said you'd forget to eat."

"Nate says a lot of things."

"He also said if I came back without you laughing once, I shouldn't come back."

I stood in my doorway with the cane in one hand and the day sitting on my shoulders.

I had not laughed once.

I stepped back and let him in.

He put the soup on the counter and did not look at the bed through the open bedroom door, and I watched him not look.

"Eat," he said.

"Later."

I leaned the cane against the wall.

He saw it go, and he saw me cross the kitchen without it, one slow step at a time.

"Cora."

"You said it in the rain. You said it was the best night of your life."

"I did."

"I want it back."

His throat moved.

"Tell me what you mean," he said. "Please. I won't guess."

"I mean I want you, tonight, in my bed, and I want to be the one who says what happens."

"Then say it."

I put both hands on his shirt and started on the buttons.

He stood still for me, breathing hard, his eyes on my face.

When I got to the last one I pushed the shirt off his shoulders, and it fell on the kitchen floor.

I had thought about his chest in March.

I had thought about it on Nate's couch with a cast on my wrist, and I had told myself it was a fever.

I put my mouth on his collarbone, and he made a sound low in his throat.

"I should tell you something," he said, roughly. "I'm going to want to hurry."

"Then don't."

"I'm trying not to."

"Good."

I took his hand and walked backward into the bedroom, and he followed me.

At the edge of the bed I turned and sat, and he stood between my knees.

I pulled my sweater off over my head.

He looked at me, and the look went all the way through me.

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