Chapter 20: Negative

Susanna's POV

"It's negative," I said.

Nobody in the kitchen had moved.

Justin still held my bag by the strap.

Mom had her dish towel in both fists.

"I took it this morning in the market bathroom," I said. "I'm nine days late, and I didn't want to say anything until I knew."

"And?" said Mom.

"One line. I looked at it for ten minutes, and I threw it in the bin behind the honey stand."

"Then why's the box in your bag?"

"I bought two."

Justin set the strap down on the counter, carefully.

"Can I have a minute with your daughter, Carol?"

"Take the pantry," Mom said. "It has a door."

That was how we ended up between the shelves again, under the bulb on its string.

I leaned on the shelf of tomato paste and tried to look like a woman who was fine.

My eyes filled up anyway.

"I'm sorry," I said. "I don't know why I'm crying. It's good news. It's the best news."

"You're allowed to cry at good news."

"I wasn't even sure I wanted it. Then I watched that one line come up, and I was so sad I had to sit on the toilet lid."

"Susanna."

"We don't have the right kind of life for a baby. I'm unemployed and you just gave your clinic to a woman in handcuffs."

"She wasn't in handcuffs."

"She will be."

He took my hands.

"May I tell you what I want?" he said. "I've been trying to say it for a week, and I keep putting it off."

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