Chapter 18: The Recording

I held her against my chest and rocked.

"I didn't give you away," I said. "I need you to hear that part first."

"Then where were you?"

"In a hospital bed, very sick. When I woke up, someone I trusted told me my baby had died."

Birdie went still.

"I cried for years, bug. I never stopped missing a baby I thought I'd lost."

"Was it me?"

"I think it was. I'm not going to say it for sure until the test comes back, because I never want to lie to you."

"Mama lied."

"Yes."

She thought about it with her whole small face.

"I'm not mad at Mama yet," she said. "I'm just sad."

"That's allowed."

"Can I stay here?"

"Tonight. I'll call Eli and your uncle and tell them where you are."

She was asleep before the deputy knocked.

He looked at her on my shoulder and took off his hat.

Then he went back out to tell my mother she had been found.

I did not go home with her. Nobody tried to make me.

The next evening I let myself into the dealership after closing.

I still had my keys. Nobody had thought to take them.

The showroom was dark, with the new models under spotlights and the sign over the door still lit.

My old office sat at the back of the accounting hall.

The binder from six years ago stood on its shelf between two others, where I had left it.

I took it down. It was heavier than I remembered.