Chapter 24: One Honest Answer

The fifteenth fell on a Saturday that year.

I woke at five, before the light, with Leanne's hand flat on my chest.

Her breathing was slow.

For a moment I lay still and let myself look at her.

Her black hair was loose across the pillow.

There was a pillow crease on her cheek.

In five years I had never seen her sleep, because she had always been up before me.

I eased out from under her palm and walked down the hall in my bare feet.

The bathroom was the last door.

We had moved into a bigger place across town after the court, with a room for the boy.

I had left the old apartment and its bathroom behind on purpose.

I turned on the light.

The room looked like a room.

A towel on a hook, a toothbrush in a cup, a boy's rubber duck on the edge of the tub.

I stood in the doorway for a long time.

I had thought any bathroom would still hold that day.

This one held a duck.

"Connor."

Leanne stood in the hall in my old flannel, with her hair mussed.

"I woke up and you weren't there."

"I'm fine."

"I know." She came and stood beside me. "I just didn't want you to do it alone."

"I'm not doing anything."

"I know," she said again. "I'm still here."

On the sink sat the small amber bottle.

The doctor had signed off on it a week ago.

Last refill, he'd said.

You can taper from here, Mr. Ledford, and you may not need it at all.

I picked it up.

Leanne's hand tightened at her side, and she did not reach for it.

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