She Was Supposed to Stay Broken, So I Let Her Think She Had novel · Chapter 15 of 40

Chapter 15: A Courtesy Lirien Can Misread

'Lirien, will you help me choose a plain shawl?' I ask. 'The summons has made me unsure what the council expects me to wear.'

The amber shimmer gathers around her head. Beneath her pleased little inhale, another voice rises, clear and private: She is frightened. Good.

I keep sorting fennel seeds from empty husks. The useful ones catch against my fingertips. Lirien has brought a ceremonial sash to the apothecary, folded across her hands, and the neat rows of embroidery show at its edge.

'Of course,' she says. 'Though I think you look perfectly composed already. You always have, even when things were difficult.'

She lays the sash beside the order book and looks over the shawls Dov keeps for market customers who come in from the cold. Her smile arrives before her reassurance.

'You know how these things go,' I say. 'I don't want anyone to think I came unprepared. There are elders who expect a certain manner.'

The shimmer brightens. They have no idea what to wear. They have no idea what to say.

'It's kind of you to think of that,' Lirien says. 'You don't have to carry every expectation alone.'

The shawls are practical, mostly wool, with fringes that catch on jars. I lift a dull brown one and let it fall back onto the counter.

'Which elders should I be careful to greet first?' I ask. 'I only need to know who will expect me to appear composed.'

Lirien's shoulders ease. She thinks I have asked for comfort, not a map.

'Well, Cass will notice if you rush her,' she says. 'She values a proper greeting, and she can be very exact about records. I think she respects a woman who knows how to listen.'

The second voice adds: Cass will never believe me if the page is found.

I set aside a shawl in muted green. 'And who will speak for you?'

'Oh, I wouldn't put it that way.' Her laugh is small and self-effacing. 'They all have their own minds, naturally. Elder Hesta has always been kind to me, though. I embroidered her first ceremonial sash after her shoulder surgery, and she still says it made the sessions easier.'

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