Chapter 5: The Scarf

Felix had meant to knock.

He had stood in the rain for a full minute with his hand raised.

Then he had heard a woman cry out, and his body had opened the door by itself.

Now he stood in her kitchen with water running off his coat.

He looked at Hyunjin's swollen mouth and Missy's flushed skin, and his heart went hard.

He was not angry.

That was what scared him.

"You didn't start without me," he said. "You only got a head start."

Missy laughed, naked and unashamed against the window, and picked her robe up off the floor.

"Don't you dare cover up on my account," Felix said, and his voice came out low.

It was the voice he did not use on camera. It was the one that made people go still.

She went still.

Hyunjin turned his head, and Felix saw his own name written all over that beautiful face.

He had known for two years.

He had pretended not to, because Hyunjin was his friend and the group came first.

"Go back to the cabin, Hyunjin," Felix said gently. "Take a hot shower. I'll find you later."

"Felix."

"I'm not sending you away. I'm sending you somewhere warm. We'll talk, I promise."

Hyunjin hesitated.

Then he rose on his toes, kissed Felix's cheek, and fled into the rain with his sketchbook.

The door closed.

Felix took off his wet coat and hung it on a hook.

When he turned around, Missy was watching him.

"There's something you aren't saying," she said.

"There's a lot I'm not saying."

"Start with the one that makes your hands shake."

He looked down. They were shaking.

"I like to be in charge," he said. "In bed."

"And?"

"I've never told anyone in the group. Not Chan. Not anyone."

"Why not?"

"Because they think I'm sunshine."

"Are you?"

"Mostly." He smiled, and it wobbled.

"I'm also a man who wants to tie you up and tell you what you're allowed to feel."

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