Chapter 13: Paid in Pastry

Camille had known from the first minute, and I had no way to make her pay for that.

So on Monday morning I invoiced myself, and I was a hard client.

Truffle had hung from Gerald's ear for most of a minute on camera, so I started with the ear.

Line one: Gerald, ear examination, $128.00, from the receipt his assistant had sent me at midnight.

Line two: Gerald, dignity trim, $40.00. Silvan had paid for Truffle's trim, and I would not leave the Doberman shaggy while mine was neat.

Line three: the Thursday pupcuterie board Silvan's chef had made for Gerald's nerves, $47.00.

The total was $215.00.

I could not hand Silvan cash, because cash went into the Apology Fund, and the Apology Fund was in Truffle's name.

Truffle was the one who owed. I would be paying him and he would be paying me, in a circle, forever.

So at seven-thirty I carried a bakery box up the hill to his house, and I paid in pastries.

Silvan opened the door in a gray t-shirt with a mug in his hand.

"Twenty-three pastries," I said. "Nine dollars each, my usual price. Plus eight dollars."

I held up the eight dollar bills in my other hand.

"No."

"Nine dollars is what they cost me. Three forty-one in ingredients and five fifty-nine for my hands."

"I'm not taking pastries for a debt that isn't mine."

"It is mine. Truffle is mine. I checked the paperwork."

"There is no paperwork."

"There's an invoice. I wrote it myself."

He read the invoice on the doorstep, from the top, and then again from the bottom.

"You charged yourself for a trim."

"For parity."

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