I Don't Need Your Blue Roses Anymore novel · Chapter 18 of 24

Chapter 18: Worst Thing First

Nate told me in the white kitchen, with the roofers walking back and forth over our heads.

He told it flat, with no excuses, and he didn't sit down.

"Your father offered me the building for a dollar, a check for a year, and a story about you," he said. "He said you've left Dean three times and gone back every time."

"I haven't."

"I know that. I knew it then."

"And you didn't tell me."

"No."

I leaned against the counter where my mother must have chopped onions.

"You told me the worst thing first in the car," I said. "On Friday. About March. You said it before Mallory could."

"Yes."

"Why not this?"

"Because he said one thing that landed," Nate said. "And I didn't want to say it in front of you."

"What was it?"

"That in a month you'll want your old life back, and I'll have been the man who was in the room."

He had plainly said it to himself many times since yesterday.

I felt something tighten under my ribs, and it was not anger.

It was a flat, tired grief.

"You think that," I said.

"I think it's possible."

"After the cold room. After last night."

"You told me yourself you'd just left a man," Nate said. His voice rose, which I had never heard. "You said, don't make me a hobby. You took it back at two in the morning, and I was glad, and I've been waiting all day for you to put it on again."

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