I Was Never Their First Choice novel · Chapter 21 of 24

Chapter 21: On Their Knees

Perrin had a folded paper in his fist.

His hand was shaking so hard it rattled.

"I wrote it last night," he said. "You told me to."

"Read it," I said.

He opened it, and swallowed, and read in a voice that cracked on the first word.

"I wrote the Academy application, and I left your name off it on purpose. I did it because I wanted you gone and I wanted to be the one who got to say it was nobody's fault."

He stopped.

"Go on," I said.

"I called you the pack's workhorse for six years." His eyes were wet. "You did all our sums and carried our packs and never asked for a thing. I thought that meant you didn't need anything. I'm sorry."

He folded the paper and held it out.

I took it.

It was a plain apology.

It did not ask me for anything, and that was the only reason I read it twice.

"Thank you," I said.

"I'll do whatever you say."

"I know," I said. "That's what's going to happen."

I turned to Elias.

He had not brought a paper.

He was on both knees on the frost, his face grey, his jacket buttoned wrong.

"I loved you," he said. "I'd have told you if I thought you wanted it. I knew where the list was going and I let it go there, because I thought if I said a word, the five of us would lose our places."

"And?"

"And I was afraid." He lifted his head. "I'm still afraid. I'm afraid right now. I just wanted you to see me say it."

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