Chapter 9: The Empty Shelf

Daniel's POV

I told Laura to stay at the guardrail, and then I ran for the garage.

The box was ten steps from the kitchen door.

The only way I knew to keep my promise was to put all of it in her hands.

I had kept it for three years on the top shelf behind the paint cans.

An old banker's box with a lid, taped shut once and cut open many times.

Thirty-six envelopes, one for every month since the winter, each with her name on the front.

I had written them on Sunday nights after the kids were asleep, at the workbench, under the one lamp.

Dear Laura.

I'm sorry I can't tell you this out loud yet.

That was how every one began.

The first few held the worst of it, in my worst handwriting.

The rest said smaller things.

Teddy lost a tooth.

Bea said her first sentence and it was your name.

I still sleep on my side of the bed and I don't know what to do with my hands.

I never meant to hide it forever.

Dr. Ames had said a year, and a year had gone by.

Then I told myself after Bea's second birthday, and then after her third.

Every time the date came near, I looked at Laura asleep, happy, and I put it off again.

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