Chapter 11: The Knife on the Table

He stood up slowly.

The boards groaned under his weight.

He hung his gray coat on the peg beside the door, outside, where he always hung it.

He set his boots on the porch under it.

"So it doesn't carry the barn into your room," he said.

It was the kindest, silliest thing I had ever heard.

I stepped back, and he came in, and I shut the door behind him.

The stove had burned low, and the cabin was dim and orange.

He stood in the middle of the floor with his hands hanging open.

"Separate beds," he said. "You said a year and a day."

"I did."

"You said I don't touch you."

"I said a lot of things."

"Keeva." His voice scraped. "Tell me what you want me to do."

"Sit down," I said.

He sat on the edge of the narrow bed, and it dipped under him.

I took the knife out from under the pillow and laid it on the little table beside the bed, where we could both see it.

He looked at it.

"I carried it the first night because I thought you'd hurt me," I said.

"I know."

"I don't know if I believe that anymore."

"Keep it there," he said quietly. "Where you can reach it. I'd rather you were sure."

My eyes stung.

I climbed onto the bed and knelt over his knees.

He did not touch me.

His hands lay flat on the blanket on either side of his thighs, and I could see how hard that was for him.

"You can touch me," I said.

His hands came up slowly and settled on my waist.

They were enormous and rough, and so warm that I felt them through my nightdress.

I bent and kissed him.

It was clumsy at first, a bump of noses and a held breath, and then his mouth opened under mine and I stopped being clumsy.

He kissed me hungrily and carefully at the same time.

I pulled back to breathe.

"More," I said.

He groaned and kissed me again, deep and slow, his hand sliding up into my hair.

The bond lit up under my skin.

It ran down my spine and pooled low in my belly, and I ground against him without meaning to.

Under me, he was already hard.

I felt the thick length of him through his trousers, and my whole body clenched.

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