Silence Was Not Forgiveness novel · Chapter 20 of 24
Chapter 20: The Toast
My mother let the soup plates be cleared before she rose.
She tapped her wine glass with a spoon, and the table went quiet.
"My dears," she said. "Thirty years ago I..."
"Mom."
I was already on my feet.
"Nolan, sit down. I'm giving a toast."
"I need to speak first."
"After."
"No."
I had never said that word to her in front of other people.
She looked at me, then at the priest, then at the bank president.
"He's tired," she said brightly. "Let him say his little piece, and then we'll all raise a glass."
I put both hands on the back of my chair.
At the far end of the table, my wife sat straight in her green dress with her hands in her lap.
I looked at her once and then did not look at her again.
"My wife was never the problem," I said. "I was."
My mother smiled and shook her head at me.
"Two years ago in March I had a vasectomy. I told Lena it was dental surgery. I told you the same thing, Mom, and Dale knew."
Nobody moved.
"Whatever my mother has said about her at this table, the fault was mine, and the lie that hid it was mine too."
"Nolan, stop," my mother said.
"I let you tell this whole town she couldn't give you a grandchild. You said it in this house and at your book club. I stood there and let it be said about her."
"You're upset," my mother said, in her soft grandmother voice. "We can discuss this privately."
I remembered what Lena's mother had taught me that morning.
If you stop for her, you lose the room.
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