The Independence My Alpha Regretted novel · Chapter 20 of 24
Chapter 20: What I Stopped Doing
By April the ice was out of the creek, and Duncan had been eating dinner at my table three nights a week.
He still sat on the side nearest the door.
He still did the dishes without being asked and put every plate back in the wrong cupboard.
That night I let him get as far as the last fork.
"I need to tell you something," I said.
He turned off the tap.
"You told me you'd answer anything I ask. I think I owe you the same."
"You don't owe me."
"Yes, I do." I folded the dish towel over my knee. "You've heard what you did. You haven't heard what I did."
He sat down across from me, slowly.
"The bond went quiet two years ago," I said. "You think I reached for you every night until I gave up. That isn't what happened."
"Hazel."
"I stopped reaching on purpose. I got tired of the wall." My voice stayed flat. "Every night it went out and nothing came back. One night I decided it wasn't worth the ache. So I stopped, and I told myself that was marriage."
He said nothing.
"I never told you it hurt. I never said, Duncan, something's wrong with us. I bought a dress and told no one. I scheduled a surgery and told no one. I wanted you to notice without being asked."
"I should have noticed."
"You should have. And I should have said so." I made myself look at him. "You found out in front of four hundred people, and I let you stand there with nothing. I wanted you to feel it."
His eyes closed.
"I could have helped you in that hall, and I let the whole room watch you hear it," I said. "I'm not proud of that."
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