The Pawn novel · Chapter 8 of 24

Chapter 8: Terms

"I'm going in," I said.

"No," Cosimo said.

Rocco had gone out to make calls, and we were alone in the flat's small kitchen with the sun coming up gray behind the bus stop.

I had pulled on a pair of Rocco's spare boots and a sweater of Cosimo's that hung to my knees.

I couldn't stand still.

"He took my uncle to get to me. If I walk up to Pellegrino's door and say take me instead, he lets Zio go."

"And then he has you."

"He had me last night."

"He had you locked in a room, and he told himself it was kindness." Cosimo's voice stayed even, but his jaw was tight. "If you walk in on your own, he stops pretending. I won't allow it."

"You won't allow it?"

"That is what I said."

I laughed, a hard sound.

"You don't get to allow me anything. I made the terms, remember? You never lie to me. You never touch me until I say."

"I remember."

"So don't tell me what I'm allowed to do."

He went very still.

"I am not telling you what you're allowed to do," he said, low. "I am telling you that if you go, I will have to watch it, and I don't know if I can."

The words landed in the room and stayed there.

I stared at him.

He stood at the counter in a torn shirt, with a fresh bandage across his shoulder and a day of beard on his jaw.

He looked tired and dangerous and wrecked.

He had not touched me since I set my rule, and I could see what it cost him.

His hands were flat on the counter, the knuckles white.

Something in me broke open.

"Cosimo."

"Yes."

"I'm saying it."

"Saying what?"

"Touch me."

He didn't move.

"Nerina. You said until I told you about your mother."

"I know what I said."

"I haven't told you."

"I don't care." My voice shook. "I changed my mind. It's my rule, and I'm breaking it. Touch me. Now."

For one second, he held himself still.

Then he crossed the kitchen in two strides, and his hands were on my face.

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