Chapter 4: Brave

"No," Molly said, and pulled the third navy dress off the rack and hung it back.

"No to the navy, no to the bone-colored one, and no to the gray, which is a color for hospital waiting rooms."

We were in a boutique on Oak Street, and I had been trying on dresses for an hour.

Every one of them was a dress that would disappear into a ballroom.

"I've been wearing those dresses for seven years," I said.

"I know. That's why you keep reaching for them."

She walked to the back of the store and came back holding a long dress on a hanger.

It was red.

It was the dark red of a good wine, with narrow straps and a low back and a skirt that moved when she did.

"That one costs more than my first car," I said.

"Then it's a good thing you sold two books."

I went into the fitting room and stood in front of the mirror for a long time.

The woman who looked back at me had her shoulders square for the first time since Lantern Room.

I came out.

Molly put a hand over her mouth.

"There she is," she said, and her voice went wobbly. "There's the girl who told the vice principal off in the cafeteria line."

"That was eleventh grade."

"That was you."

I stood in front of the mirror and turned sideways.

Nathan had loved a girl in a cafeteria line who said what she thought.

I could not remember when she had stopped.

I wanted Nathan's eyes to find me first when I walked into that ballroom, before anyone else's, the way they used to.

"I'll take it," I told the saleswoman.

The saleswoman wrapped it in tissue paper.

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