They Never Loved Me. Now I Don't Remember Them. novel · Chapter 17 of 24
Chapter 17: Britta Breaks
Britta called at eleven that night.
I was on Devin's couch with the clinic letter spread across my knees, and Devin was beside me with his arm along the back of the cushion.
I had stopped pretending to read it an hour earlier.
I answered on the second ring.
"Lyd," Britta whispered. "Don't hang up."
"Where are you?"
"In Dad's study. Mom's asleep." Her voice cracked. "I used the key from the hook in the pantry. There's a binder."
"What kind of binder?"
"A dose log."
I sat up.
Devin's arm slid from the cushion and settled on my shoulder.
"It starts when you were sixteen," Britta said. "Every morning, every night. A date, a time, a number. Little ticks, and her initials."
"Britta."
"There's a column called 'observed.' She wrote what you said after each one. 'Asked for her phone.' 'Couldn't find the word for spoon.' 'Cried, no reason.'"
I closed my eyes.
"There's a page at the back," she said. "It's not in her handwriting. It's older. It's the doctor's."
Her breath caught.
"It's a plan. It has four lines. 'Subject, L. Method, daily. Timeline, two years. Alternate heir if subject refuses signature.' And then my name."
"Your name."
"It says 'B.' It says 'B., second best, adopted, manageable.'" She started to cry. "Lyd, it says 'manageable.'"
I looked at Devin.
He had gone very still, with a muscle working at the edge of his jaw.
"Take a picture," I said. "Take a picture of every page and send them to Pearl."
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