They Never Saved Me a Seat, So I Built My Own Table novel · Chapter 1 of 24
Chapter 1: The Fifth Cannoli
Four names on four cannoli, four pens and a photo without her: Paola takes the Austin job and cancels the table she paid for.
My boyfriend set a pastry box on my mother's Thanksgiving table and told everyone to look inside.
It came from the bakery that people line up around the block for.
Four cannoli sat in a row, and each one had a name piped across it in dark chocolate.
My brother's name was on one, and my best friend's was on another.
My boyfriend's name was on the third, and my cousin's was on the fourth.
Mine wasn't there.
Everyone looked at Tommy.
He rubbed the back of his neck. "The box only had four slots. I figured you don't really like sweets, so I skipped you."
"It's a pastry, Paola," my brother Dario said. "Split Tommy's. You two share everything else."
I said, "Okay."
My cousin had gone pink.
My best friend said nothing at all.
She was the only person who had ever asked me if I minded being left off a list.
That was sophomore year, and I had told her no, don't worry about it.
Tonight she only stared at her plate.
After dinner they said we would all drive to Dyker Heights to see the Christmas lights.
I told myself it would be different this time, because all five of us were going.
I ran upstairs for my scarf.
When I came back down, the living room was empty.
I waited thirty minutes, then I called a car and went after them.
The streets were packed, and I walked the whole length of the block before I found them.
The four of them stood in a tight group at the corner, each holding a paper cup of hot chocolate.
Dario held up his phone for a picture.
My phone showed no messages.
Nobody had turned around to look for me.
Last spring I had bought five concert tickets with my own money, and I had taken the seat in the other section so the four of them could sit together.
Last summer they had talked about internship offers for weeks before anyone mentioned them to me.
It was never one missing seat.
When somebody had to be left out, none of them ever had to stop and think who.
I didn't walk over.
Behind me, my cousin laughed. "Tommy, you blinked. One more."
I had been standing there ten minutes, and not one of them knew.
On Friday, before we drove back to campus, Franco took us to a stationery shop his uncle knew.
The owner took a velvet box from under the counter. "Your graduation gifts came in."
Inside were four silver fountain pens, and each cap was engraved with a name and a few words.
Dario's said Onward, and Franco's said Good luck.
Tommy's said Keep climbing, and Lucia's said Be happy.
There was no fifth pen.
The owner counted them twice. "I thought there were five of you."
My best friend Franco pushed his glasses up his nose. "Lucia was sitting next to me when I placed the order. I'll have one made for Paola next time."
My cousin Lucia held hers out to me. "Do you want mine, Paola?"
Dario pressed her hand back down. "It has your name on it. What would she do with it?"
Tommy smiled. "She's not a pen person. You keep it."
I had never said I disliked pens.
But I was the one who kept every old ticket stub inside my yearbook, and every doodle Tommy had ever drawn on a napkin.
I loved keepsakes.
They just kept deciding I didn't.
That night I stood at my dorm window for a long time.
Down in the courtyard the four of them lined up their new pens on a bench and took a picture.
A moment later it landed in our group chat of five, with the caption: Don't drift apart after graduation.
I didn't answer.
I opened the email from the company in Austin instead.
I had finished my last credits in October, and since September the company had asked me three times to join the project team early.
I had said no twice.
Tommy didn't want to do long distance, and Dario said family should stay in the same city.
Franco had written me a full analysis of why no job could beat having your friends close.
This time I typed: I can start early.
Their reply came before I had put the phone down.
Corporate housing was ready, and they expected me in Austin in three days.
Then I opened the booking site and found the table for five I had reserved in September for Dario's graduation dinner, with my deposit already paid.
I clicked Cancel.
The screen asked if I wanted to notify the other guests.
I clicked yes.
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