You Lost Us In The Test novel · Chapter 1 of 24
Chapter 1: The Spicy Table
Pregnant Deanna is served a table of chili by her fiancé's family, stood up at the clerk's office, and learns from her half-sister's post that it was a loyalty test; she cancels everything and takes a job in London, then the planning video shows her mother sold her out for her brother's contract and ends on a channel title card.
The night I met Preston's parents, his mother cooked eleven dishes, and every one of them was red with chili.
Chili crab. Chili beef. Green beans swimming in chili oil.
Even the cornbread had jalapeños baked into it.
Everyone at that table knew I'd had gastritis since college.
Preston knew I was eight weeks pregnant and threw up if I smelled bacon.
His mother set a bowl of soup in front of me. It was orange and the steam stung my eyes.
"Eat, sweetheart," she said. "You're family now."
I ate two spoonfuls of white rice and a cracker from my purse.
Preston's father watched me chew.
Nobody said anything about the food.
At eight-fifteen my stomach folded in half, and I said there was a problem at the lab and I had to go.
Preston didn't walk me to the car.
I was halfway home when his text came in.
"I suddenly don't want to get married anymore. Let's think about it some more. I only said yes because the baby came out of nowhere."
I pulled over and read it twice.
Then I called him.
It rang out.
We had an appointment at the county clerk's office at ten the next morning. Marriage license. We'd booked it a month ago.
I went anyway.
I sat on a plastic chair in my good blue dress from ten until four-thirty.
The clerk brought me a cup of water at noon and didn't ask.
At four twenty-five she turned off the light over her window.
I was walking back to my car when my phone buzzed with a story from Kenzie.
Kenzie is my half-sister.
My father brought her home when she was nine and told my mother she'd have to get used to it.
My mother spent fifteen years not getting used to it.
Lately they went to brunch.
The story was a photo of two wineglasses clinking over a white tablecloth.
The caption said, "Couldn't even pass a simple pre-marital test. Embarrassing. I'd never be one of those desperate girls who traps a man with a pregnancy."
The man's hand on the glass had two small moles on the back of it.
When we first started dating, I used to draw a line between them with a pen.
So that was where Preston was.
I stood in the parking garage and did the math out loud.
His mother's sudden chili. His text. The empty chair next to mine all day.
A test.
I'd heard the word on Kenzie's channel a hundred times.
Loyalty Lab. Three million subscribers. People paid her to stage loyalty tests on their partners and film them failing.
I had never once thought she'd do it to me.
I got in the car and sat there with the keys in my lap.
Then I did four things, one after another, before I could cry.
I called the clerk's office and cancelled our license appointment.
I left the Garvin family group chat. Then I left the Elstow family one his mother had made for "wedding stuff."
I called my boss at home.
"The London post," I said. "Is it still open?"
She'd offered it to me twice. I'd turned it down twice for Preston.
"Deanna, are you serious? They want you yesterday."
"I can start the thirtieth."
"Done. Are you okay?"
"I'm great," I said, and hung up before my voice went.
I was making a cup of ginger tea at home when my mother called.
I let it ring.
She called back four times.
On the fifth I picked up.
"Preston told me everything," she said. "It was a joke, honey. It's a very popular test online."
"You knew?"
"Kenzie made a new group. You have to rejoin it and apologize to everyone."
"Apologize for what?"
"For leaving like that! Kenzie cried. His mother is mortified. How can you be so immature?"
My mother taught Sunday school for twenty years.
She sounded exactly like she did there. Patient. Disappointed. Sure.
"You've had this temper since you were a little girl," she said. "Who do you think is going to put up with it? Honestly, what they did today is what you deserve."
I put my tea down.
Fifteen years ago, she'd screamed at my father for bringing his mistress's daughter into our house.
Now that daughter had wrecked my wedding, and I was the one being told to say sorry.
"Mom," I said. "Did you know they were serving chili to a pregnant woman with gastritis?"
She sighed. "Don't be dramatic."
I hung up.
My phone buzzed again.
A video from Kenzie.
"So you know it was all in fun," she'd written. "Watch to the end."
It was a recording of a dinner party. The Elstows' dining room.
Preston's mother at the head of the table. His father next to her.
Kenzie beside Preston, close enough that her hair was on his shoulder.
And my mother, in her pink cardigan, holding a glass of white wine.
"Deanna is so stubborn," Preston's mother said. "I can't see her up at five making breakfast for this family. She'll never be easy."
Kenzie laughed. "That's why we test her. Wear the edges off. Right, babe?"
"Leave it to me," Preston said. "She can't eat spicy food at all. Just make everything spicy."
"She doesn't have any allergies, does she?" his mother asked. "If she did, we could use that."
His father waved a fork. "Forget the allergy idea. No need to go overboard."
He took a sip of wine.
"Still," he said. "She's got a mouth on her. Imagine her running this house."
Everyone looked at my mother.
My mother shrank a little in her chair.
"I'm not against it," she said. "She's just stubborn. If you push her too far, she won't take it as a joke."
Then she straightened up.
"But she's my daughter. She'll only ever blow up at me. Go ahead. I'll calm her down."
She smiled at Preston's father.
"And since I'm letting her do your test, you'll help Brody with his project. The city kitchen contract."
Preston's father and Preston looked at each other.
They both smiled.
I watched my mother sell me for a four-hundred-thousand-dollar contract for my little brother.
She didn't even haggle.
My phone buzzed over the video.
Kenzie. "Haven't finished it yet? Don't be a sore loser."
I thought I had.
There were eight seconds left.
The screen went black, then a logo spun in, the pink one with the little heart-shaped lock.
White letters filled the frame.
"LOYALTY LAB. Episode 41: The Bride Who Couldn't Take the Heat."
Underneath, smaller.
"Premieres Friday. 8 p.m."
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