Chapter 14: The First Night

Room 4B was dim, and Janelle lay with her face to the window.

Someone had washed her hands and put her in a hospital gown.

Her ponytail was gone, and her hair lay flat on the pillow.

"Close the door," she said.

I closed it and stayed by the foot of the bed.

"He came," Janelle said. "He sat for four minutes."

"What did he say?"

"He asked me whether I had told anyone his name before the vote."

I said nothing.

"Not whether I was in pain. Not whether I wanted him to stay."

She turned her head. Her eyes were swollen and quite dry.

"I think I've known what he was for a month. I just wanted to be the one he picked."

"Why did you ask for me?"

"Because you're the only person here who'll tell me the truth."

I thought about that.

"I lost a baby at sixteen weeks," I said. "Six years ago, on this same floor."

"I know. Alastair told me once."

"Then you know nobody could tell me it wasn't something I did. I won't tell you that either."

Her mouth shook.

"It's a loss, Janelle. You don't have to earn it."

"I'm not saying I forgive you," I said. "I don't. But I'm sorry it happened to you."

She reached for her phone on the tray.

"I want to take down the post," she said. "I want to write the real one, and I want you to read it first."

She typed with her thumbs, slowly, and turned the screen to me.

It said she had lied. It said Dr. Laurel Falkland had never touched her.

It said she had posted it to protect herself, and that she was sorry.

"Post it," I said.

She did. Then she put the phone down and cried properly, with her face in the pillow.

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