Chapter 13: The Roof Stair

I turned down sixty-two thousand dollars from the top landing of the roof stair.

I did it on speaker, with my back against the cold brick and Perry two steps below me.

"St. Brendan's maintenance," said the supervisor who had laid me off in July.

"This is Dara Keller. I'm calling about the January start."

"Wonderful. We can have the badge ready by Monday."

"No, thank you," I said. "I'm staying in Milwaukee."

"May I ask why?"

I looked down the stairwell at Perry, who was holding the railing.

"I have a building," I said. "It's mine to look after."

I hung up before she could answer.

The landing was the coldest place in the Linden Arms.

A tall window looked out over Farwell Avenue and the lit roofs of the East Side.

It was four-thirty, and the sky was going the color of a bruise.

Nobody came up here, because the radiators stopped at the fifth floor.

Perry climbed the last two steps and stood in front of me with his hands in his coat pockets.

"You didn't have to do that with me listening," he said.

"I wanted you to hear it."

"I would have believed you later."

"Would you?"

He thought about it, honestly, the way he did everything now.

"I'd have waited for you to change your mind," Perry said. "I'm not good at this yet."

"At what?"

"At not knowing if you'll want this tomorrow."

His breath came out white.

"I looked at that notice this morning and I thought, I can't do this one. The ending isn't in me."

"Perry."

"I don't know if you'll want me in March. I don't know if you'll want me tomorrow."

"I don't either," I said.

His face fell, just slightly, and I took my hands out of my pockets.

"I don't know what I'll want tomorrow," I said. "I know what I want right now, and it's you, up here, with nobody looking."

"Dara."

"That's all I've got. It's what everyone has, isn't it?"

He let out a laugh that cracked in the middle.

"It's more than I've ever had," he said.

I took hold of the front of his coat and walked him back until his shoulders met the wall under the window.

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