Chapter 19: Say It Aloud

Ciara's POV

Two nights later I walked into Laurence's bedroom without knocking.

I had never been in it.

It was large and dark and tidy, with a grey bed and a wall of glass.

The lake lay black beyond it, with the city lights along the shore.

He was sitting on the edge of the mattress in shirtsleeves with a legal pad on his knee.

He looked up.

*She came to me. She came to me.*

"I'm not here to talk," I said. "Put the pad down."

He put it on the floor.

"I told you I wouldn't ask for anything you didn't ask for," Laurence said.

"I know. Tonight, I'm asking for all of it."

I crossed the room and pushed him back onto the bed.

He went down on his elbows, and his eyes went black.

I climbed over his lap and put my knees on either side of his hips.

*I am going to die. She is going to kill me.*

"Say that part," I said.

"You are going to kill me."

"Good."

I took his face in both hands and I kissed him slowly this time.

It was nothing like the kitchen.

I took his lower lip between my teeth and let go of it.

The sound he made went straight down my spine.

His hands came up to my waist.

"May I?" he said.

"Yes."

"Where?"

"Everywhere."

He slid them under my shirt and over my ribs and up to my breasts.

He held them gently, and then not gently, when I pushed into his palms.

I pulled my shirt off.

I pulled his off.

I put my mouth on his chest, on the white scar, and I felt his heart pounding against my lips.

*I'll never be able to say what this is. I'll never have the words.*

"Try," I whispered.

"I can't."

"The rule is you say it."

"Ciara."

"Laurence."

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