He Let Me Crash on Christmas Eve, So I Took Our Daughter novel · Chapter 17 of 24

Chapter 17: The Whole Night

The social worker signed off on the infant CPR class for both of us.

It ran until ten on Wednesday night, and when it ended the nurse looked at the two of us standing apart in the hall and said, "Joy's due a feed. Stay with her until I'm back."

She left.

For the first time in three weeks, nobody was watching us.

Peggy's house closed on Thursday, and Friday was the day Kendra's father wanted thirty-one thousand dollars that Nate did not have.

He hadn't said a word about it all night.

The unit was dim and low and full of soft alarms.

Joy lay on her side in her incubator with a monitor lead on her chest and her hat over one eye.

Nate stood on one side of her and I stood on the other.

Neither of us said a word for a while.

"I'm going to tell you something," I said. "You don't get to stop me."

"I won't."

"You've said you're sorry about forty times. I don't think you know what you're sorry for."

"Tell me."

"All right."

I put my hand flat on the incubator.

"It smelled like gas and burned powder from the airbag. The door was jammed, and the roof was folded in over my head. I had my hands on my stomach, and I counted her kicks out loud so I wouldn't scream."

He had gone very still.

"I could hear the hazard lights ticking. When I called you, I thought, he'll know what to do. You always know what to do."

"Zanna..."

"I told you I was bleeding. You said, go with them. Then you said Merry Christmas."

My voice shook, so I stopped and started over.

"The paramedic was kneeling at my window. She heard all of it. Her face did a thing when you hung up. I've never seen anyone look at me like that. She was sorry for me."

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