Chapter 18: Stop Counting

I knocked on his door at midnight.

Torin opened it in his shirtsleeves with a book in his hand.

He did not seem to be reading it.

"Rowena."

"I'm not here to forgive you."

"I know."

"Tomorrow I stand in front of every pack in the north and watch Magnus's blood go into a bowl."

"I don't want to spend tonight lying awake in the next room, listening to you not sleep."

He put the book down on the table behind him.

"What do you want?"

"I want you to do what you did on the roof," I said. "And not stop."

His eyes went over my face, slowly.

"Nothing is owed," he said. "Either of us can say go."

"I know our rule. I wrote it."

"Then say it back to me."

"Nothing is owed, Torin."

"Either of us can say go."

"And I'm not saying it."

He stepped back and let me in.

He shut the door and leaned against it, and I stood in the middle of his room with my father's coat still on.

"I have to tell you something first," I said. "It'll ruin it."

"Try me."

"I can't give a man a son. I can't give you a pack heir. I can't give anyone anything a mate is for."

"I've been counting it up for weeks, and the sum comes to nothing."

"Is that what the roof was?"

"Yes. I stopped it because I thought you were being kind."

He crossed the room in three strides.

He took my face in both hands, the bandaged one rough against my cheek.

"Listen to me. I want you."

"I want the woman who walked into the Dawn Court on her own feet. I want the one who put a warm cloth on my hand and called me a fool."

"I don't want a womb, Rowena. I've never once wanted a womb."

"Stop counting what you're not."

"I can't just..."

"Then count this."

He took my hand and pressed it flat against the front of his trousers.

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