Chapter 29: Ask Me

Clara sat down on the edge of his bed.

She did it slowly, because her answer had two halves, and she wanted to say both before she lost her nerve.

"Okay," she said. "The honest one first."

"Please."

"I want you home."

Miles stood very still by the desk.

"I want you in the same town, ordering the same coffee you hate, where I can see you walk in."

"That's what I want. It's selfish."

"It's not selfish."

"It is. You get a second year of something you love, and I'd be the one asking you to say no."

"Clara."

"I'm not asking. You said you'd ask me, so I'm answering, and the answer is that it's your life."

"If you want it, take it. I'll come in the summers. I'll learn the tram. I'll get a cat."

She heard her own voice wobble, and she let it.

"That's the second half. If you stay, I'm not leaving. I just want you to pick it because you want it, and not because of me."

He looked at her for a long, quiet moment.

Then he crossed the room, and knelt on the floor in front of her, and took both her hands.

"Can I tell you what I want?"

"Yes."

"I wanted this year because I was a coward," Miles said.

"I wanted to be far from the mailroom, and far from the day you said yes to my face."

"I know."

"It was a good year. I learned things. I learned I can order in Portuguese and I can't pronounce a word of it."

She laughed and pressed the back of her wrist to her eyes.

"I don't want another one," he said.

"I want a job at the county historical society, which pays almost nothing."

"I want to carry your groceries up Hannah's stairs. I want to watch you lose an argument with my sister."