I Was Never Their First Choice novel · Chapter 8 of 24

Chapter 8: Through Three Walls

"Not in the corridor," I said.

Elias nodded and followed me to the kitchen, where the fire was banked low and a kettle sat warm on the hearth.

I did not offer him tea.

He stood across the table with his hat in his hands, the same sandy hair and green eyes, the same face I had once thought was the safest in the world.

"I should have told you about the Academy," he said.

"Yes."

"I should have put your name on it. Perrin said you wouldn't want to come. I knew he was wrong. I let him say it anyway."

"Why?"

He looked at his hands.

"Because you would have been fine," he said. "You are always fine, Solveig. You can take anything. Asta can't."

That was the truest thing he had ever said to me, and it hurt more than any of the lies.

"I was so in love with you," I said.

He looked up.

"Past tense, Elias. I want you to hear it." My voice shook and I steadied it. "I thought one day you'd turn around and see me. I thought that was the whole reason you laughed at my jokes."

"I did see you."

"You saw someone who would carry the load for you. That isn't the same thing."

His eyes had filled.

"I loved you too," he said. "I swear it. I just loved myself more."

I waited for it to feel like a victory.

It did not.

It only felt tired and finished.

"Go back to your barracks," I said. "The next time you speak to me, do it in front of someone."

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