Chapter 19: Not Second

Declan's POV

I called the foundation office at nine on Wednesday morning.

A young woman answered. She knew my voice and went stiff.

"Mr. Quincy. How can I help you?"

"I'm confirming for Saturday," I said. "Declan Quincy, plus two."

"The guest list is final, Mr. Quincy. Mrs. Quincy was very clear."

"Is my name on it?"

"Yes, sir. Plus one."

"Then make it plus two."

"I'm afraid I can't."

"Then write down that I'm coming with two guests, and that I'll walk in with them whether the list likes it or not."

She was quiet.

"I'll note it, sir," she said.

I put the phone down and my hands were not shaking.

That was the strange part. All my life I had made my mother's decisions look like mine, and now I couldn't find the person who used to do it.

Juliet worked in her study all day with the door shut. Roz slept after her first night shift at the Harlow clinic.

I drew nothing. I walked the house and touched the walls I had never built.

At six, I found Juliet in the upstairs bathroom running a bath.

"Sit with me," she said. "I'm not asking you to do anything. Just sit."

She slid into the water with her hair pinned up. I sat on the edge of the tub in my shirtsleeves.

The steam fogged the mirror.

"You can ask me," she said. "I've been watching you carry a question around for three days."

I looked at my hands.

"Am I the second choice?" I said.

"Declan."

"You've loved her since you were nineteen. You married me at twenty-seven. I'm the one who asked. I'm the one you took because Roz was out of reach."

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