Never Yours Again novel · Chapter 13 of 24

Chapter 13: Oldest Thing in His World

"Five years," I said.

My voice came out flat, and that scared me more than shouting would have.

"You let me spend five years on the wrong man."

"Yes," said Ellis.

"Stop saying yes."

"Then tell me what to say."

"Anything else!"

I threw the word at him, and it bounced off the bare walls.

He stood up from the arm of the couch and stayed where he was, with his hands open.

"I don't have a better answer," he said. "I saw you turn toward him, and I said nothing. Then you were happy, and he was my friend, and every week it got harder to start."

"Every Sunday you sat at my table."

"I know."

"I cooked for you. I passed you the salt."

My throat closed on the last word.

"You passed it back," I said. "You said thank you, Lucy. You said it for five years, and you knew."

"I did."

"Last night you told me you'd imagined me for five years."

I pressed the heel of my hand against my eye.

"You didn't say whose jacket I was holding every time you looked at me."

"I was going to tell you tonight," he said quietly. "I swear it."

"At three in the morning you were holding it inside out, white as paper. That's not a man who was going to tell me."

He didn't argue.

That was the worst part.

I walked into the bedroom and found my jeans on the floor where he had dropped them.

I dressed with my back to the door, my hands shaking so badly I missed the zipper twice.

I folded his shirt and left it on the pillow.

When I came back out, he hadn't moved.

The gray jacket lay across the couch where I'd put it down.

I picked it up.

It was warm from the lamp, and for one second I wanted to press it to my face.

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