Chapter 12: I'll Sign

The pharmacist had counted the pills twice and then looked at me for a long moment.

I got as far as the sidewalk.

Then I bent over the curb and was sick in the gutter, with Jude's hand holding my braid out of the way.

He did not say anything.

He rubbed small circles on my back until it stopped, and then he handed me a bottle of water from the truck.

I rinsed my mouth and spat, and straightened up.

My face was wet, and I did not know when I had started to cry.

"Four years," I said. "He watched me take it every morning."

"I know."

"He sat with me in the clinic. He held my hand when the test was negative."

"I know, Hanna."

"He was the one who told me it wasn't my fault."

Jude's jaw worked.

He did not say what he wanted to say, and I was grateful.

Joelle came out of the pharmacy doorway and stopped a few feet away, with her arms wrapped around her stomach.

She had stopped crying, and her face was gray.

"I'll go to my mother's," she said. "I won't answer his calls. I'll do whatever you want."

"Do you have the messages?" I asked. "The ones he sent you."

"All of them."

"Don't delete anything."

"I won't."

"I don't forgive you," I said. "I don't know if I ever will."

"But you didn't know this part, and I know it."

She nodded and put a hand over her mouth, and walked to her car.

I stood very straight until it pulled away.

Then I took out my phone and called Declan.

Jude said, "What are you doing?"

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