Chapter 12: Zero

The doctor saw me at ten on Thursday morning, which the nurse told me she had never once seen him do without an appointment.

He was a tall grey man with a soft voice, and he shut his office door and sat down opposite me.

I put the nine letters on his desk in a row.

"Are these yours?" I asked.

He put on his glasses and read the top one.

"These are mine," he said. "My signature, my lab's seal. Mr. Rutledge was the patient."

"I'm his wife."

"I know who you are, Mrs. Rutledge. I've known for three years."

Sam sat in the chair by the door with his arms folded.

I held the edge of the desk.

"I can't speak to you about his case," the doctor said. "But you've brought me his own records, and I can tell you what they are."

He tapped the stack.

"They are real. Nobody altered them."

"Did he know what they said?"

"I sat across from him and told him in the first month."

I had come ready for that, and it still went through me.

"What did he do?"

"He asked me whether anything could change it." The doctor took his glasses off.

"I told him no. Then he asked whether results could be sent only to him. He asked it three times in the same visit."

"He came back eight more times."

"He came back each time asking whether it might have changed."

"Did you ever say anything to him about telling me?"

"I told him it was a conversation he should have with his wife. He said he'd handle it."

The doctor's voice was careful.

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